At noon after waking up I performed a peaceful yoga session without any planned program. Opening the hips first laying in bed, one leg at a time, and then on the yoga mat in a relaxed cobra led to a sense of total acceptance of my life situation. Not feeling any pressure of it having to be a certain way, me having to become any certain person.
While having brunch my father and I collaborated with the preparation of documents for tomorrows meeting at the local social administration.
My mother came home and we all left to walk outdoors. I hesitated at first, but I told them about my mysterious connection to Kyoto, that I start crying instantly at the thought of this city. I said I suspect a past life influence. Telling them made me feel the connection even stronger, and motivated me to decide to try guided hypnosis. I did two sessions. I thought it could help if it was in Japanese. The one I chose was probably very good, but I mostly understood the words about relaxing various parts of the body, and it helped put me at peace. I particularly noted what I interpreted as a word sounding exactly as my name ‘Björn’, but with japanese syllables becoming ‘be-yon’. It could be written 美四 meaning beautiful and four, with the kun-reading (stemming from chinese) reading of four, instead of the on-reading ‘shi’. Sometimes the kun-reading is preferred out of superstitition, for both four and seven (pronounced ‘shi-chi’) since ‘shi’ means death and chi blood.
The next hypnosis session, even though in English, was more fruitful. I sense there is two layers inside me:
On the surface are my relation to Japan from this life, which is a mix of romantic childhood and teenage fancies, memories and experiences. This layer wants to invent a story to suit itself.
The other layer is the life of someone else, which I sense inward as a distant small marble of colors. The hypnosis did not take me very deep, but at one point, I faintly saw a forest and a rooftop. I sensed the ground and nearby vegetation. When the guide told me to return to my house, I vaguely saw a small crowded building. I have yet to see my own body or those of others, except for my bare feet. Asked about my death, very faint grey-blue images came, reminiscent of a violence scene where I eventually was stabbed with a large sword through my throat. No words or people appeared.
I will return and see if I can explore anything else.
Later in the evening I watched a few motivational videos, stirring a bit of passion which I feel I have not had for perhaps a week or so. I want to ask myself, what is it really that I want to accomplish in this life? What is my true dream? I think my realization from the morning can help me, that I am fine with whatever labels are temporarily or permanently put on me. Underneath the surface of ‘unemployed’ or even ‘on sick-leave’ is someone and something else. And ultimately, it could be said, there is nothing and everything as the truth of non-duality open to be experienced at any time. An extremely powerful starting point to explore from is to read ‘Who Am I?‘ by Sri Ramana. I read it yesterday night, and it brought with it the blissful morning yoga.
björn kenneth holmström 