Many ways of being – List of my main enlightenment experiences during 2017

I just want to post a summary of these very unique and rare experiences, to preserve them and share them. Even now as I am writing this it is hard for me to believe some of them, but, they must be, due to the infinite nature of reality, possible to experience and re-experience for anyone, from their own reference point. For that, some work might be needed, such as questioning deeply the nature of all held beliefs, plus a implementing regular mindfulness and meditation practice. This is highly individual.

  • Completely letting go as a way of receiving any requested information instantly and directly into the brain about anything

  • Knowing each new manifestation of appearances as self-generated (and knowing its trail back in time)

  • Knowing and recognizing the mutual generation of own life and the history of the “outside” world/universe as one and the same. No events more/less significant, total butterfly effect.

  • Knowing all experience as mystical; unconsciousness within familiarity and repetition dulls the perception and interpretation to make it seem otherwise, that is the nature of all habitual/addictional action with lack of mindfulness. The depths of what is habit and addiction goes much deeper than what is commonly referred to as such. This includes ANY unconscious act, such as not being aware of how one ties a shoelace, or answering a phone call because of the ringtone. In full consciousness, you are always aware of the call and the caller being created in that moment, BY YOURSELF.

  • Knowing truth and truthfulness as the only real and lasting; all lies/secrets are temporary created by illusory self, forgetting its being and acting at all sides of reality.

  • Direct communication/dissolution of thoughts as within self only; by direct thought questioning and answering, interchanging information with any other “external” entities. For example, during a video stream, which one ‘normally’ assumes to be pre-recorded, thought can interact directly with the content in the right frame of mind (disregarding any disbelief in its possibility). But also any other form; objects, animals, people, text, wind, weather, all are within the same consciousness and can be interacted directly with.

  • Complete dissolution of attachment to body and sensory perception, knowing total bliss and unnecessity of continued life.

  • Knowing the possiblity for any imaginable experience to be actually experienced. Thus knowing unboundedness in creation and freedom to direct life to any goal.

  • Knowing that creating past and future attachments (for example scheduling appointments) are one of the illusory self’s (the mind’s) way of escaping selfrealization/true being within reality, by clinging to old information and identity.

  • Knowing the possibility of ‘re-enactement’ of any past experience, all the way to infancy, in new appearances.

  • Knowing the danger of creating new falsehood or un-truth in your reality when describing what you are doing or being, either in thought or action. Talking or even thinking about something you are going to do, or thinking that you know something, unless you are 100% certain it in that moment, throws you back into illusion.

  • Knowing that truth in words are actually not the words themselves, but more fundamental energies of alignment within reality in the present. Thus truth is not about examining a statement of the past with some present circumstances, it is about the current state of being of oneself together with ones circumstances.

Note that the apparent truth/falsehood and also level of understanding of these descriptions depends heavily on the level of consciousness reading them.
Also, note that knowing in all these statements refers to actually directly experiencing, not to being able to state the experience in a sentence. The finger points to the moon, don’t confuse the finger with the moon, or the map with the territory, as some famous sayings go.


Layers of false self. The self-image

During my meditations and self-inquiries last year I went through extremely different states of being and modes of perceiving reality. Here are what I gathered in some notes, trying to classify how what I think I am affects the way I perceive and interact with the reality around me, and it with me.

Note that doing this is actually counter-productive to fully embodying Truth! I only want to share this as a tool for anyone curious about finding out more about themselves. I don’t recommend keeping any of this model as an identity or a replacement for the actual Truth (which can never be written/modeled). But I can point out some pitfalls and traps I have fallen into, with the hope that you can more easily avoid them when they appear!


  • Expected interaction-self.
    Entangled with:

    • State of being
    • Projections on others (has layers upon layers, which come and go)
    • Purpose/objectives @ the moment, trying to get something, go somewhere “in the future” (which does not exist)
  • Expressing self
    • Hindered by inward reflecting self (which is wrapped up in believing thoughts of the past).


  • Reflecting self:
    Assuming responsibility for past circumstances, accumulates guilt/shame/fear
  • Unconscious self, can be FULLY brought within your consciousness. Encompasses everything that you normally do not think is you! Everything you perceive! Here outward and inward is no longer becomes a relevant distinction. Trap: becoming obsessed with trying to get back into such a state, once it has passed, trying to evoke it by associated memories.
  • Emotional self: suffering, accustomed to accumulating guilt/shame/fear. The pitfall here is thinking that there is a valid reason for you to continue carrying these. You have to be very aware and identify the thoughts that you think are you that cause them, and then call them out.
  • Inquiring self. The pitfall here is assuming there is something actually wrong with your at a fundamental level. The truth is, that there is not! You want to unravel the self-image you have built, not add to it.
  • Prophetic self: Mind connecting all observations into future projections. Can easily go VERY far due to the infinite nature of reality. Some “risks” are following one of the paths, creating an egoic identity out of it, and then becoming afraid of oneself. or thinking that one path is a ‘must’ or ‘destiny’ (this makes you remove your own authority, takes you out of the present moment and can be very hurtful).
  • Synchronistic self: At high awareness, certain patterns which were before hidden surfaces. Also new patterns are much more easily created than before.  The risk is developing addictive/obsessive behaviors. Yes, you CAN create patterns out of connecting almost all observed phenomena, but it can easily overtake the cognitive abilities to focus on something else you want to accomplish. You can think of becoming enlightened as becoming more like a small child again, you are much more vulnerable to external energies and influences. Great discernment is required!

Observing, aware, neutral self. Unifying. Conscious, at various levels, the more conscious, the more free and happy

  • No purpose while still acting
  • Flowing, fully present

The path I followed to my first full enlightenment experience was about one year of highly mindful manual work with little talking (4 hours per day) in conjunction with daily meditation practice (around 20 minutes), physical workout (a combination of cardio, calisthenics, weight training and yoga) and self-directed online research and studies (mostly books, wikipedia and YouTube videos) into various philosophical and religious schools and teachings.

A big problem than can arise with enlightenment experiences is that they easily create new layers of false self-image, in the forms of memories, practices that you want to ‘get back’ to (just like good childhood memories). That is never possible! The Truth is always right now, never in the past or future!

Insights from a period without sleep and sleep without dreams


Have you wondered about what dreams really are, what sleep is?

In this post I want to elaborate around the personal experiences and insights I have had on what sleep and dreams are in relation to consciousness and the true nature of reality during my most profound enlightenment experiences, which peak took place just about a year ago, in the end of 2016 and the beginning of 2017. It seems when attaining enlightenment, the boundaries between these to states no longer are as clear as they seem to be, and that at a point they actually dissolve completely.

First I want to describe what the enlightenment experience, which is related to ego death and having no desires is like.

It is a rebirth in the sense that by removing the ego’s will completely, one ‘touches’ base with the primordial will that is generating existence itself. At that point, a being starts ‘skimming’ the surface of reality, as a ball which was previously been submerged underwater due to its density, but now, almost empty of content, it bobs along on the surface, where the emptiness above is the eternal origin, a direct connection to the infinite. Instead of being carried along under, following a certain stream, one becomes ready to be filled with any purpose and go towards any direction from the basis of the current circumstances. These circumstances, the now, can be seen as a point in a multidimensional object extending infinitely in infinite directions. This is actually always the case, but awareness and consciousness is rarely focused enough to experience in the daily life of an ordinary human. In fact, this is the reason why enlightenment sometimes described as awakening and life as ‘the waking dream’. But instead of experiencing reality as something happening to one self, one experiences oneself as being the one generating cause of the entirety of reality.

Now, onto some insights on the origin and reason for dreams.

When unenlightened, or in lower states of consciousness, a being is full of resistance to the perceived ‘other’ during its waking hours. The other is everything it assumes is not itself, including accumulated memories. This creates a kind of ‘pressure’ building up in the beings mind, a bubble which it is unaware of. Falling asleep, the ability to control experience is completely removed and the dream world is generated from the contents of the bubble. Note that becoming conscious of this content can bring enough awareness to resolve the causes for the buildup.

The more a being perceives that are unable to control their surroundings in a positive way, the more troublesome dreams they will have. Especially if they fear anything in their immediate external circumstances. Also any unresolved fears or issues of the past might be carried along into the dream.

A being which is in a more harmonious environment will more likely dream of postive future possibilities, however might not understand that anything they encounter in a dream is actually possible to experience while awake as well, due to lack of awareness and self-imposed limiting beliefs.

The enlightened being however, by transcending the boundary between self and other does not accumulate any unwanted experiences to resolve during its waking state. Instead they effortlessly flow along in reality without any need to control or resist it. When going to sleep they do not dream at all. Any future possibility will be left to the waking state, since there is no resistance to their actualization. Being fully aware and part of the creation and manifestation of all experiences, only a conscious intent by the being itself will create a dream during the sleeping state.

Even the need for sleep can easily be overcome, since there is no longer anything wearing the mind or body down to the point of sleepiness.

Note that what is perceived as reality, or the waking state, can also be seen as a longer form of dream. A dream that has just been going on for long enough to make certain aspects of it, such as physical laws seem fixed or constant. This perceived certainty, however, is an illusion.

The unjust blame on religion

It is a common theme among people who identify themselves as nonreligious to give blame for past crimes of humanity such as wars to religions. This unfortunately blocks them from discovering some truly remarkable things leading to personal growth!

In this post I want to help alleviate this by giving a different viewpoint, as someone who has been on that side myself, but later developed a keen interest in religions by researching them myself. What I have found is that behind all dogma and rules of religion, are a core that is what is sometime referred to as ‘mystery’, ‘magic’, ‘supernatural’, ‘miraculous’. The common theme is the personal experience that must be found for oneself. To penetrate into it, one must drop the prejudices held surrounding the name of the religion or teaching, and let oneself be immersed without the past interfering. This is the core of what is faith. Note that faith is not anything particular to religion, it is the necessary prerequisite to learn ANYTHING new in life. To go to a new place, one must have faith enough that it actually exists, and that one can travel there. To start a conversation, one must have enough faith in oneself and others that it is possible. To discover something new in science, one must have enough faith that there is actually something new to find there.

So what gives rise to the blame is not what is in the religions themselves, but the actual identification in taking a side, which becomes notoriously problematic when it is done on a collective level.

‘I am nonreligious, and that is the correct way’. Or ‘I am religious, and not having a religion is wrong.’.

Thus, the name of the religion or non-religion becomes irrelevant, it can be atheism, Christianity, Islam and even science or veganism. The identification of self with being the ‘right’ side and what is created in the mind as the ‘opposite’ as ‘wrong’ is what actually causes the friction and fraction! The identification also leads to the mind adopting rules from the system of belief to which it has attached itself, and from there it starts searching its surroundings to start classifying things accordingly, much like an automatic sorter. This can be useful when there was actually a good reason and purpose behind it, but it is most often completely detrimental to one’s own well-being as well as that of others.

In daily experience, one has just to take a walk outdoors and observe ones own mind to notice it. Any labels might come up which create an artificial barrier between oneself and others. ‘Woman’, ‘child’, ‘old’. If any of the words conjure a negative connotation in the mind, the barrier is raised for any deeper connection to what is actually there.

It can also be useful to notice that the labels in the mind have actually very little to do with what is actually occuring in once perception. There is visuals, sounds, movements, but where are actually the words and thoughts? How relevant are they truly to what is in the direct experience?

To overcome this, one can inquire into oneself, what memories are causing these connections? What beliefs am I carrying inside me that prevent me from seeing the world without these labels?

What is Reality? Reflections and results of some past experiences

During a trip through Europe to Barcelona 2013, I had some experiences of reality not being as material and deterministic as I had previously assumed.

Two observations stood out.

I wrote down the first observation in a notebook and illustrated it with a small diagram to help me remember it.

At the time, I believed fully in a materialistic, mechanical reality and tried to explain the experience as a delay within my brain between the time of receiving sensory inputs processed them subconsciously. At the time it didn’t occur to me that the idea of having or being a brain are also just observed events!

What I wrote was “delayed conscious experience of exterior event => sense of predetermined future”.

The illustration I made looked something like this:

 Delayed conscious experience graph

 I was aware of a strange connection between events within very short time intervals, perhaps even less than seconds. I thought they should be completely uncorrelated, but I could not deny what I felt and observed. The related events could be both thoughts in my head and things people said or did.
I now understand that this was a non-premeditated experience of ‘becoming reality’, something I experienced more fully and intentionally in 2016. After better understanding existence itself, I found how every phenomenal experience was part of one single process within consciousness. I then started to consciously mold the entire world in a more total sense by selecting thoughts and searching for new ideas to experiment with, something which I have continued with to this date.

The second observation was while walking along a street. I noticed how if I relaxed in a certain way, my body would not touch passerbys or lampposts, even though my kinetic sense told me I should have collided. I was not confident enough to tell anyone about it at the time.
Today, this no longer seems strange or unnatural to me, it is part of the underlying nature of reality. Every phenomena arise in the present moment out of nothingness, and its quantum nature can be made apparent on all levels for an observer, an ‘I’. The body is literally created as any conscious act can be, by being wrapped around and observed by consciousness itself. What affects it or not and how is entirely up for modification, only habit makes it appear something fixed and solid, subject to ‘external’ physical laws.

Looking back on my notes, I see how I was searching for reasons behind existance by exploring various fundamental ideas, concepts and their possible relations. I was jotting down things like

  • Time/Future/Past
  • Nothing/Something
  • Appear/Disappear/Change
  • Light/dark
  • Stop/start, Increase/Decrease
  • State: Infinite/Empty
  • Desire/Attract/Repel
  • Sense-Hear-See-Smell-Taste-Touch-Move
  • 1/0, true/false
  • Operation/operator/operand, function/subject/object
  • Point/space

I see now that this exploration unintentionally generated my unusual experiences! I was looking for answers by creating my own model, not yet understanding that the whole existance IS the model itself, experiencing itself by creating models and change on itself, endlessly and infinitely.

The Boolean mind-field


Yesterday I read about the life of Erwin Schrödinger, and also part of his book ‘What is life?‘ before I went to bed. Edward Schrödinger was a physicist whose work was key to the early development of quantum physics. He also led a fascinating life, moving between different countries and exchanging ideas with people like Albert Einstein. Perhaps you have heard of ‘Schrödinger’s cat’, the thought experiment of a cat in a box? His ideas also influenced people outside of physics. One example is James D. Watson, who researched the gene which led to the discovery of DNA.

I was inspired by what I read, and just before I woke up today, I head the words ‘boolean field’ spoken to me in a short dream. As I woke up, I thought of the idea as a gift (coincidentally, it was my birthday too!) and by taking these words (which come from the domains of mathematics and physics) and I used it to create a method for finding more happiness and freedom in life. I think it is very good, and I want to share it with you. I combined the words with some things I have learnt the past years by investigating a multitude of sources for personal development.

I will first outline the idea. Then I will explain the method, which you can use as a tool to find out more about yourself and your relation to the world. Two basic question to keep in the back of your mind are

  • What is actually true?
  • How can I know for sure it is true?

Last, I share a long list of links to further reading which I hope will awake curiousity and passion in you for further exploration on your own!


The Idea

Think of your mind is a minefield, a Boolean field of mine or thine. The mines are traps which cause us unhappiness. Boolean is a term from logic, meaning that something can be true either false. In the mind, it appears as classifications and judgments, of me and not me. It also appears as labels on objects, events, concepts and even emotions in terms of good or bad. We can easily get lost in it and when we do, it prevents us from seeing reality as it really is. Think about how an infant that has not yet learnt a word looks at life. Part of why it smiles so easily and naturally is that it has no set notions about the world yet.
To find out what is actually true, we want to reset our minds boolean field, to a state of neither true or false.

To be live with the boolean field removed is a beautiful experience. No labels, attachments or identies troubles you. Only being with what is, in the present moment. To make a parallel with quantum physics, it is to live in a more undetermined state, a quantum state of possibility and potential, but without clinging to absolute certainties. Things can be momentarily true or false, and also both, but the changes of states do not cause us lasting suffering.


The method

You can estimate how far away you are from this state by making lists and adding up the number of items you find

  • How many labels on things and phenomena do you think are yours and needs protecting and would resist sharing or losing to anything you consider to not be you. This includes your body, your thoughts, your ideas, emotions and memories. It also includes every person you have ever met or think you will ever meet.
  • How many labels are you using to classify every person you know, including yourself.
  • How many labels are you using consciously or unconsciously when observing around you, on any occuring phenomena. This phenomena may arrive to you through sight, sound, touch, taste and hearing, but also more subtly through inner thoughts and images.
  • How many things in life are you certain to be either true or false

If you do a list of these things, you can get an estimate of how much work you have to do to experience a much happier life. Even if you don’t make a written list, just thinking about it can be helpful too.

You can make a list of these, and then meditate on letting go from them, thinking either ‘I don’t know for sure, perhaps I need to find out’ in the terms of beliefs, and ‘I don’t think it matters if this is me or mine’ for identification, and ‘I am not completely certain what this is’ for phenomena or outward labels. Do it honestly. You can also apply this while going about your day, trying to be as aware as you can of any unconscious judgements you do.

Be wary of going overboard; rejecting or resisting something can become a boolean mine in disguise! Also, if your mind gets very stuck on a certain phenomena, that can be another telltale sign!

The key is to be loosen up a bit, letting go, but not being to obsessed with this idea either.

You can also, using the list as a guide, start sharing, giving away and act less protectively around anything you think needs to be protected in some way. This can be your identity, your beliefs, your belongings, your behaviour and people around you. In short, be more open to change and new experiences.


Resources for further investigation

The method above shares similarities with meditations, philosophical self-inquiry and religious practices. The goals and the paths toward them are referred to by many names.

Here are a list of examples which you can read about at your own pace:

It is very interesting to look at the similarities these share. I think they can be used freely as pointers of investigation.

Many terms appear in more than the contexts which I have listed within the parenthesises. If you think I have left out anything important, I apologize, and please let me know with a comment.

Also, any ideas or suggestions for improving this blog post are warmly welcomed!

Tuesday morning poetry

I was inspired to write the following poems after reading the Chinese 9th century poet Hanshan, which I can very much recommend! If you like my humble efforts, Hanshan will give you a real treat!

poem #1

Where the rubber meets the road

and there is an old toad

Where I have my abode there

comes the code from the node

poem #2

I met her yesterday by the river

She carried that furry friend

I almost went but then stayed and

exchanged some words and smiles

What before seemed so important

became nothing in that moment

poem #3

I start to feel more empty,

that must be true success

Let me stay like this forever,

bent over a piece of paper

poem #4

To stay out of the clear path,

yet not trip over the vines

Here I am truly speechless

Why is this such a

poem #5

Bubbling pond hide beneath

dark waters immense pressure

the happiest treasure known

You can ignite it, but don’t

It would go off in a beautiful blast

but it wouldn’t last

Stay hidden in the glade

poem #6

7.13 and up since four

cold feet and bent back

bread and lentils in belly

my farts are really smelly

but my joy is out of bounds

poem #7

A heart of gold has no color

yet its brilliance is beyond blinding

What I want to tell you

is that I love you

Instead I just pass by briefly

It is better this way

behind a courteous curtain

you keep your charm

you come to no harm

poem #8

Stirring my cup of rooibos tea

the spoon plays one-two-three

notes from the Imperial March

I haven’t paid rent since April

thinking of it my heart springs

enchanted this magical morning

poem #9

Frosty morning clouds like pink baguettes

Windows steamy with one person’s breath

The roar of an aluminum albatross

Ocean waves of commuting cars

A bird unheard of, the dog lark

with it first bark, a snark remark

a stark awakening in the park.

poem #10

The less I know myself

the more I love myself

Those who say ‘know thyself’

really mean the opposite

Walk the path which is not marked

it is infinitely broad

Be the place which is nowhere

and you are everywhere at once

Control something to the utmost degree

divide the moment infinitesimally

Thus inverting reality

you can set yourself free

poem #11

Am I exhausted?

Then let me be

like a barren tree

on desert sand

The last drop of water

of a cement cylinder

I swear, yet

my mouth is sealed

I am the Earth

I am the Earth

I people myself

I am the most beautiful spaceship you might ever see

I spin and dance around a star

to get evenly shone

I tilt in my spinning dance

to give everyone the chance

to see the colours of seasons

to have plenty of reasons

to count years and to sing

at the arrival of spring

you walk my crust

you are child of my dust

butt I say that you must

not stay, nay, I trust

you to set out a course

to explore life in force

the outside of me

stars everywhere you can see

take care of me

like I care for you

and make love be

all you can see

in this galaxy

A story to B-read about a Buddhing Jesus

As you may have noticed if you have followed my social media presence, I have called myself enlightened for the last year. This is a mistake, IF I would consider that I was the same person then as I am now. At the moment I am not enlightened at all. To include my past self and who I am today, I would be to say that I have striven for enlightenment and self-actualization during the past years, and during that process, I have had quite a few (from my perspective) mind-boggling experiences and insights into the nature of reality, which have turned my life upside down and inside out, in ways which I could never have imagined before.
What is this thing about enlightenment? The perfectly enlightened being would be totally unselfish, 100% aware, compassionate and unconditionally loving. At the moment I am far from that, I still have a great deal of flaws. This blog post is my attempt to turn some of these flaws and especially their effect on my life for the last weeks into something positive. I want to show you what can happen when you attempt to be a modern fledgling apprentice Jesus/Buddha/saint-whatever, but you fail. I will demonstrate this with an example from my life. These events made me laugh, and I hope you who are reading this can laugh with me. This post is only slightly related to Jesus, actually most specifically to some of his miracles, where he made food appear seemingly inexhaustibly.

This particular story started with my realization that by manipulating thoughts one can manifest things very quickly (almost instantly), and also get extremely good at it. This actually what every human being does, although many do it at such an unconscious level that they forget that it is actually their thoughts and beliefs about reality that make the things appear exactly where and how they appear.
The ideal is that one uses this knowledge for personal growth. Part of creating these ideal circumstances is questioning what one’s true nature is. What is consciousness? How does reality actually work? What makes you think you are who you are? Especially those things that limit you from true lasting happiness and fulfillment should be questioned to their core. In the end, you may discover that nothing you took for granted about reality actually has any solid ground. Thus, you can in principle become a miracle-worker like Jesus, turning water into wine, or anything else you would like, but previously thought would never could happen, a.k.a. your truest most inner desires. Perhaps the next president. A rock star. An intergalactic ambassador. An immortal god/goddess. Imagination and dreams team up properly with actual experience. The higher level of consciousness you reach, the more readily you can become and live it.

So what have I used this for? One thing I have gradually changed in my reality is making sure I don’t need to buy anything I need any longer at all. I basically make my shopping list with the universe in general as the provider, and only use things which have been discarded by others. This is marvelous from my point of view, since it enables me to live with zero, or even reversed negative impact on the environment. It aligns with my well with my values.

But what happens when your lower self, the more egotistic side of you which you have been working to overcome makes a comeback? The one that does not want to do any effort of self-improvement and keep everything for and to itself?

Well, in my case, this turned me into a funny sort of beta-Jesus, (as in a buggy version of a software not ready for public release). Striving to be a savior of the world, but with all sorts of personal problems still lingering on from the past. Some examples are low self-esteem, indecisiveness and tendencies to isolate myself. Most of these flaws are not glaring obvious, and they subtly come and go. So instead of, like Jesus, providing bread for the poor and hungry, beta-Jesus manifests bizarre amounts of bread (while trying to find healthier food, but mostly failing (except for fruits, fruits are easy, they grow on trees!)). I already knew from previous experiments that eating is actually not necessary. But old habits and cravings still popped back up, so as beta-Jesus I manifested bread as a sort of common-denominator-food, and in all sorts of places (just laying around wherever I look). I carried the bunch in the photo home, laughed about it and then didn’t really know what good to make of it except write this blog post.


Aside for entertainment, I hope this can help you in your quest for self-improvement, by showing what not to do and waste your time on.
I hope you have good regular healthy habits established such as meditation and yoga, and avoid eating fast easy carbohydrates like beta-Jesus thinks he needs! If you buy bread (as opposed to just find it appear sitting next to you, looking inconspicuous), at least buy whole-grain. Mono-cultures in general are not ecologically friendly at all compared to locally produced legumes!
You can also have a look into the eBook I have available for download on my food blog (it is a fun and friendly one) and follow my instagram for inspiration =)